Don't Forget Us Here by Mansoor Adayfi

Author:Mansoor Adayfi [Adayfi, Mansoor]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Published: 2021-08-17T00:00:00+00:00

WHEN THE OFFICERS came to Romeo Block again with a new list, I knew my name was on it. They wanted me to hear how bad it was first before taking me. The guards came for me with shackles, goggles, a blindfold, hood, and earmuffs.

“There’s a white van!” a brother at the front of the block called out. My heart pounded in my temples. How would I survive this?

“I don’t give a shit,” I called out. “Let’s go. Let’s try something new!”

My brothers laughed and cheered, and that gave me strength.

“Lion!” they cried.

But inside, I was dying. Really. I was so scared.

“Let’s go,” I said to the guards. “Hurry up. I want to get there. I heard there’s nice cold AC and a good toilet.”

I learned to pretend to love what I hated to confuse my interrogators.

Through the hood and earmuffs, I heard the muted roar of brothers singing to me as I was escorted off the block. I prayed silently to Allah.

Allah, oh Allah, you know I’m tired. Allah, oh Allah, you know I’m weak and scared. Allah, oh Allah, please help me and don’t let them win. Allah, oh Allah, please preserve me of all evil.

Camp V was named as if it was just another camp, but it wasn’t. It was just like Hamid had described it. Cold. Cruel and lifeless. Camp V had an administration wing and four blocks like toes on a chicken’s foot: Alpha, Bravo, Charlie, and Delta. Each block had two floors, and each floor had two rows of six cells facing each other. Everything was operated by Control, the tower in the middle of the camp. From there, they controlled all the gates, the cell doors, the block doors, the lights, the AC, the speakers.

Alone in my cell, I looked at myself in the mirror for the first time in years. So, that is how old you look now, I thought. I didn’t recognize myself with the beard and the hair pointing in every direction, both peppered now with a few gray hairs. I stared at my face for a long time. I opened my mouth and looked at my teeth and tongue. I touched my nose and lips. I felt my ears. I ran my hands through my hair and played with the points. I tried to make myself look nicer, but I couldn’t do anything with that wild hair. I was bored and made faces at myself. I made funny faces, angry faces, happy faces, all kinds of faces—I even tried the faces I made at interrogators to see what it looked like from the other side. I talked to this crazy guy in the mirror and I liked him. He was me. And I didn’t see anyone else for a long time.

Right away after the first meal, I started feeling strange things happening to me. I couldn’t sleep. My mind raced in circles all night long. I felt aroused like I’d never felt before. Where did these strange feelings come from? That feeling of sexual energy was new, but I didn’t masturbate because it’s a sin.

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